Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
We have so much sex to catch up on
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
