I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
I think my moral compass just broke
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
