Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
