i just sold back the books i vomitted on
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
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