some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Randomize
