Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
