I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize