I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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