Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
