I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize
