i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Randomize
