Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Randomize
