It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Randomize
