He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Randomize
