you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
Randomize
