If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
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