my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
