once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
