There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
