I forgot how hot balto sounded
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
