My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
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