Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
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