why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
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