I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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