From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
