He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
