well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Randomize
