saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Randomize
