i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
