im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
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