how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
You may now shotgun with the bride
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
