This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
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I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
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If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
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