So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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