I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Randomize
