I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
