He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Randomize
