I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
I can't watch pbs sober anymore
Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
Houston, we have a squirter
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
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