I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Randomize
