Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
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