Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Randomize
