It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
Randomize
