In the future we'll all be gay
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
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Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
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