Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
Randomize
