We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize