My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
