Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Randomize
