that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
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