I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Randomize
