Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
