So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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