She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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