so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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