I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Randomize
