i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Randomize
