Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
I use my feet as sexual weapons
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
