Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
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