Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
