oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
she told me i tasted like america
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Randomize
