This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Randomize
