I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
