sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
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