adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
The convent might be a nice break from real life
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
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