Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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