No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Randomize
