at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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