It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Randomize
