thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
