i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
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